Trump Solves Gas Crisis: Fat Americans Must Walk Not Drive
“A tremendously great idea to save incredibly humongous amounts of gas”
While stuffing his face with KFC and being driven in a stretch limo, President Trump has posted a new directive on Truth Social, which reads:
“My fellow fat Americans, I have some really tremendous news for you. I have a plan to solve the gas crisis here in the States. It is tremendously good tremendous news, and it will work just great. Just great. Police across the nation have been told this begins at midnight tonight. It will be incredible, just incredible.
FAT PEOPLE MUST WALK and definitely not drive. IF A FAT PERSON IS CAUGHT DRIVING, THE CAR WILL BE CONFISCATED IMMEDIATELY and towed to the nearest Honest Donald Car Sales branch for on-selling.
These losers might need to walk five miles to the nearest KFC or McDonald’s or Burger King or Wendy’s or Dunkin’ - but that’s just tough luck. They might have to walk their kids to school which could be the longest walk their kids have ever done. What an absolutely fantastic opportunity for them. Just absolutely fantastically incredibly great.
Just think of the humongous amount of gas America will save. It’s just incredibly great because it will Make America Healthy Again with all those pounds of fat walked off. This is tremendously great news. It’s going to work just great.
It just goes to show I am the best president ever. I’m just sensational. And Americans – especially fat ones - should be tremendously grateful to have me as their incredible president.”