Trump ‘Fake News’ on Iran: Profiteering Tactics to Manipulate Markets

The obscenity is mind-blowing

Image: Mojtaba Khamenei - Wikimedia Commons

Dear Mr Mojtaba Khamenei
Supreme Leader of Iran

You rat. You have blown my cover. You have exposed my war manoeuvres and my fabricated ‘fake news’ as profiteering tactics to manipulate financial and oil markets. Mind you, it is being talked about in Washington, but I hate you anyway.

I have made squillions and so have my colleagues, but now the oil crisis is crippling economies worldwide and I’m in deep shit because of your irresponsible aggression in the gulf.

You are much smarter than I thought. My intelligence sources said you were a
dumbass knucklehead. So much for American intelligence.

So, I will do you a deal. But firstly, I do apologise for killing 3500 Iranians and causing mass destruction across your country. I am sure you will get back to normal within in a few decades.

I will promise not to destroy your power infrastructure on condition you do me one favour.

I wonder if you would be so kind as to stop attacking the Gulf states and start giving all oil tankers unconditional safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz, regardless of their country of origin.

Whether you agree or not, I will make the announcement on Monday morning after I get my personal affairs in order.

Mind you, if you don’t agree, I will drop a nuclear bomb and wipe you all out. That would be on Tuesday after I get my personal affairs in order.

Kindest regards,
Donald Trump

PS Sorry about your old man. May he rest in pieces.