“Trump as Commander-in-Chief has our full confidence,” says anxious, gun-shy inner circle

That’s if he isn’t holding a gun, they say in private

DOWNUNDER DISPATCH: LAUGH OR CRY
We hear that Little Sam’s bath was rudely interrupted

TEACHER
Well Little Sam, how are things at the White House?

LITTLE SAM
When I grow up and become an Uncle Sam, I’ll write a book about my childhood, and it won’t be pretty when all the crazy truth comes out. I’ll call it Yankee Doodle Dumb Donald.

TEACHER
OK! What’s the latest?

LITTLE SAM
Yesterday, I was in the bath playing with all my toy warships when my Uncle Donald stormed in and said, “What are those alien ships doing in there? Haven’t you heard about our naval blockade?”

I got out of the bath real fast because he had a pistol and started shooting them over and over until they were all sunk.

Then I said, “But they were American navy ships.”

Then he said, “Who cares? Besides, what do a few hundred US personnel matter? Easy come, easy go. They’re all suckers and losers anyway.”

But the bullets put holes in the bath, the floor and the downstairs ceiling, and water was pouring on people sitting at a table.

Pete Hegseth was really angry because his hair got messed up.

Mr Vance said, “Despite what you think, I’m not wet behind the ears but pass me a towel. It’s just a vibe.”

Marco Rubio was worried that his wet Florsheim shoes might shrink.

And Stephen Miller was busy redefining the meaning of rain.

When Uncle Donald came and explained what happened, he still had the pistol. They were all nervous and said, “Well done! You have our full confidence as Commander-in-Chief”.

He didn’t tell them they were American navy ships that he sank.

TEACHER
This would make a good leak story for the media.