Netanyahu hospitalised with severe mental trauma
WARNING: DISTURBING SATIRE MATERIAL
Photo: El Pais, Spain - Illustration: Bruce Keogh
Benjamin Netanyahu has been suffering severe mental trauma since the (so-called) ceasefire. His psychologist wife Sara was quick to identify symptoms and arrange hospitalisation. Bouts of suicidal ideation were a major concern.
His appointed psychiatric nurse reports that his complex diagnosis includes self-delusion, whereby he believes his own lies. The patient repeats over and over, “There is no starvation in Gaza”, and then says, “Why not, there should be.”
Mrs Netanyahu has divulged that her husband lost all raison d’etre, and could not find any means of filling the empty, aching void. “Tragically, his passion for exterminating every remaining Palestinian in Gaza was stymied by Donald Trump who wants to win the Nobel Peace Prize”, she declared.
“This is a calamity,” said Sara. “He has nothing to live for anymore. No more war crimes to orchestrate. His life was full of purpose and meaning when he could oversee acts of heinous barbarism. Now, there are no more strikes on hospitals, schools and civilian shelters. No more killing journalists and aid workers. No more torturing Palestinian detainees. No more blocking humanitarian aid, especially food. This is a sad day for our family and all Israel.”
Mr Netanyahu’s psychiatric nurse confirms that he does find consolation and comfort by looking through his extensive photo collection of atrocities his military has presided over. His favourites are apparently images of the bodies of harmless men, women and children shot at short range. She admitted to finding these photos disturbing, but explained that Benjamin says these Gazans were rightly “dealt with” by his military.
Benjamin’s consulting therapist has explained that being the most hated person on Earth does not bother him. What does bother him is the risk of embargos on Israel, as a global backlash against his genocidal regime looms. He recognises that he and Israel do indeed have a serious worldwide PR problem.
This therapist specialises in hypnotherapy and was kind enough to release an audio recording of a recent insightful session when his patient had a brainwave to solve all his problems. Here is a verbatim transcript …
I’ve got it! ‘Have a nice day’ t-shirts. That’s the answer. I’ll have one distributed to every remaining Gazan.
What a genius I am. Palestinians wearing t-shirts with my friendly face wishing them a nice day. I’ll organise photos for global media saturation.
People everywhere will think, “He can’t be the villain we thought. Seems the Gazans love him. And what a nice guy to wish them all a nice day. It just goes to show you can’t trust the media. The war has been one big fake news conspiracy”.
However, the dark side looms …
Anyone found not wearing a T-shirt will be “dealt with” by the military. That can’t be called a breach of the ceasefire – it’s just dealing with civil disobedience.
Of course, no self-respecting Palestinian would be seen dead wearing one of the t-shirts. Oh what a beautiful, self-fulfilling irony!
Hee hee. Haa haa. Hee hee. Ho ho.
Soon after this revelation, Benjamin Netanyahu was released from hospital.
It is understood he has thrown away all his pills and, full of enthusiasm, is back in full swing on his genocidal mission.