Little Sam Wires The Couch

“Shrink, I am obsessed with niceness.”

Check out Trump’s dumb delusions on the couch with his shrink.

TEACHER
Sam, what’s your cat-that-ate-the-canary grin all about?

LITTLE SAM
You will love this psychology session I recorded – I’m sneaky.

Here it is:

TRUMP
Shrink, I am obsessed with niceness.

It seemed like a nice idea at the time – a nice big combined American Israeli airstrike on Iran to wipe out Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and his mob.

I thought it was a nice idea to create a nice regime change and free the Iranian people from terrible oppression - with me becoming its nice new leader.

Benjamin and I wanted to be sure Iran would not build any nasty nuclear weapons that could hurt our nice friends in the Middle East. Wasn’t it nice of us to want a regime change for that reason too?

As a matter of fact, our bombing of Iran was going so tremendously well two months ago, that I demanded Iran’s unconditional surrender.

But I didn’t think Iran would be so naughty to start attacking the Gulf states and take control of the Strait of Hormuz. That wasn’t very nice of them.

The Gulf states are very upset because they are getting blown up and they can’t get their oil tankers through the strait. They are blaming poor me.

This was supposed to be a nice war, but Iran double-crossed me and played dirty. I wouldn’t say they outsmarted me, but they surprised me with their intelligence.

Now they have all the bargaining power and I have jack shit. So they will keep control of the strait and continue with their nuclear program. That’s not nice at all for a nice person like me to endure.

My friend Benjamin is really upset. He claims the war has badly reduced the power and security of Israel, and says my tactical blunders have put Iran in the driver’s seat.

What sort of friend would say things like that, after all the nice things I have done for him and his cronies?

I think I will toss this job in, and become a Florsheim shoe salesman. There would be much less stress.

SHRINK
You are trying to hoodwink me. I can see you are insanely humiliated.

Iran will emerge from this debacle much stronger and more influential than it was before the war.

Do you really think the American public will buy this niceness crap?

TRUMP
Maybe not. But they might buy Florsheims.