Female judge irons out Tony Abbott’s women problem

WARNING: CONTAINS SATIRICAL FAKE NEWS

He was trying to look inconspicuous, which is what you do when planting a suspicious-looking package that might contain a bomb.

He was riding his bicycle, wearing a lifesaver cap and red budgie-smugglers.

He was munching on an unpeeled raw onion.

He was carrying a large, empty cardboard box marked, “Very suspicious-looking package”.

He was inside Parliament House Canberra, heading for Sussan Ley’s office door where the offending object would be left.

He knew that when suspicious-looking objects are detected in public buildings, evacuations are ordered.

He wanted the resulting bomb scare to thwart that day’s Liberal meeting, planned by Sussan Ley to tackle the party’s under-representation of women problem.

He was after all, the former Liberal leader and prime minister who once said, "I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons."

Apparently, women lack the requisite intelligence for political worthiness, and should be "housewives doing the ironing", as Tony Abbott said in 2010.

This man surely has an IQ lower than 18 – coincidentally, the total Liberal seat representation in the House after the 2025 election wipe-out, caused in part (or more) by the “women problem” which Abbott has ingloriously come to personify.

However, his IQ seems higher than 6 – coincidentally, the meagre number of current female Liberal MHRs – a number that speaks for itself.

Obviously, intelligence is not a prerequisite for major influence in the Liberal Party. Hard-right male conservatives – present parliamentary and past, including Abbott - would rather see the party disappear than allow the continuance of Sussan Ley as leader.

Why? Because she is a woman – the first to be Liberal leader – who might dare to attract more women to the party.

Tony Abbott’s bomb scare folly was treated seriously under the law. It was labelled “an act of terrorism on Australian soil, an attack on Australian sovereignty”.

He was sentenced by a female judge to 18-months imprisonment, and assigned to the prison laundry with the sole task of ironing, six days a week.